Don’t Collapse
In past posts I’ve looked at how we have to recognize both the facts of our situation, our “facticity”, and the potential we have to bring about new possibilities: our “transcendence”.
Both of these sides of us are equally important, but it is so easy and tempting to try and escape the tension between the two by collapsing into just one or the other.
As my clients know, I love a good metaphorical image, so here’s a metaphor to explain what I mean.
Imagine driving down a road and coming upon a giant boulder in the middle of the road blocking our way. If we only focus on our facticity, we focus on the fact that there’s an obstacle here in the way. We stop our car, get out, and exclaim, “Hey this thing’s in the way taking up the whole middle of the road!” Anybody’s attempt to ignore our facticity seems ridiculous. We can’t simply get on with it and keep driving - there’s clearly something in the way and this fact must be acknowledged.
If we only focus on our transcendence, we may get lost in our possibilities without taking into account our situation. We feel we can drive anywhere, there’s so much to explore, we have so much freedom to move. We can do anything, right? But something’s wrong - why aren’t we actually moving forward?
If we forget our facticity then we forget we have limitations, and our transcendence confusingly doesn’t seem to be getting us anywhere. If we forget our transcendence then we forget we have choices, and we only see the obstacles and feel stuck.
We have to take both into account, our choices and our limitations. Yes, there is a giant boulder in the middle of the road, and yes the road is a limited size and doesn’t cover all directions in 360 degrees with smoothly paved infinite highways. These are the facts. This is the situation. These are the limitations. And yet, we still have choices. Once we acknowledge the facts, we can make an almost infinite number of choices. We can drive around the boulder. We can climb up and over the boulder. We can find the resources to build a ramp over the boulder. This is where the creativity of our transcendence moves us forward.
In therapy, the same two-sided perspective is necessary. A client with a history of trauma is going to have a nervous system that is impacted in a certain way. To forget this facticity is to set them up to be retraumatized, or for them to feel guilty for not being able to accomplish what they think they should be able to.
But once this facticity is acknowledged, we can begin to find the choices that are still available. This client can learn to calm and soothe their nervous system, they can seek an EMDR specialist, they can begin taking yoga classes, they can learn to recognize and manage their triggers, they can connect with others who understand them and help them feel less alone.
Freedom, then, is not having limitless options. It is the ability to make infinite choices (transcendence) within a limited situation (facticity).
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